"It's the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness. Nothing more." - Albus Dumbledore"
Often you are asked what your biggest fear is. How do you answer that question? Firstly what is fear? Is fear being scared? Is it the gut wrenching feeling in your stomach? Fear is nothing more than the unknown; exactly the quote by J.K. Rowling above. Everyone wants the path lit for them telling them exactly what is coming every step of the way. If only it worked that way.
The "unknown" can be assimilated the closest to death. Nothing more than a natural part of life, yet it strikes fear in the hearts of every single person alive. If you tell me you’re not afraid of death, I’ll tell you I don't believe you. I remember when I was younger and I would always have two kinds of nightmares. One, where some cataclysmic event would be occurring out of the ordinary, like a hurricane or something, usually when i had a high fever. But the other would always end in death. My death. No matter how I saw myself die, the end of the dream would always be the same; darkness. No light, no life, just dark. I remember waking up and crying for hours on end and not knowing exactly why.
So I came to the conclusion that fear is death, and death is fear. A horror movie or a roller coaster isn't fear; that’s being scared, a simple reaction from your body's nerve endings keeping you on your toes. Which brings the most underrated human emotion into the picture, grief. You won't understand it until you feel it. The feeling that all the happiness is gone, replaced with pure sorrow. I guess I stopped thinking about death since I stopped having nightmares, but recently a string of them brought the thought back to the forefront of my mind.
Michael Jackson. I like his music. I don't know him. But a sense of insanity hit, when i thought how a legend, could just like that, die. It's more of a reality check because he's actually from our generation, our childhood, and those things are supposed to live forever, right?
Mrs. Schroeder. A few weeks later I found out my doubles partner from high school, and one of my best friends Ryan Schroeder’s' mum passed away. No warning. Within 3 days she was gone. I didn't know her that well, but the struggle comes from "how does Ryan feel". I, like everyone else said if you need anything don’t hesitate to give me a call. Does that even mean anything though? It frustrates me that it's not possible to carry the burden of someone else sometimes.
Nirmam Vasanwala. Remember, Remember the 10th of September. Schroeder and I used to play tennis doubles against Nirmam and his partner back in H.S. 3 straight years of mediocrity, where we'd joke about who sucked more. Now it seems irrelevant. I'd never been to a funeral before this one. I can honestly say I never want to go to one ever again. The pain of grief is unbearable. To watch an entire family mourn so desperately over their loved one is something I’d never wish upon anybody. Tears streaming down faces, sharp breathing, and the look upon a mother watching her son and his dreams wiped away. A mother should never have to bury her child. Ever.
My only fear is the unknown. That's it. Death scares me so much, that just the thought alone makes me choke up. I'm not telling you this to depress you. More so, to make you realize the sanctity of life. We take life for granted sometimes. Wait...All the time. How do you know that today is not your last day? You don't. When you are living life, seconds feel like they will come forever, so will hours, so will years, until you are nearing the end and you begin to wonder. What haven't I accomplished yet? Have I graduated? achieved my work goals? felt love? Just makes you wonder how suddenly a life can change.
How long do we really have to make our impact on the world?
While time slips objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.
"To the well-organized mind, Death is but the next great adventure." - Albus Dumbledore"
© Photo courtesy of Elizabeth Nordstrom
